Hard Day.

This woman Brenda usually comes into work everyday. She hasn't in a while, I'm not sure if it's because of Marcos or not. They are family friends and he crashes at her house if he gets off work late. But since he's stopped talking to me, she hasn't come in. But she did today. I thought It wouldn't phase me if she did come in, but I thought wrong. I thought I was over this guy, but seeing her, it just made me think of him. I'd been doing so well!! I've decided what I wanted to do with my life, I set goals, and I thought I was over him!!!

I didn't really talk to her, I don't know if it was my imagination or what, but I think she was avoiding me. I started shaking when I saw her walk in the store, I was nervous for some reason. Am I worried about what she'll tell him? Does he wonder about me like I wonder about him? What hurt the worst was that I couldn't stop thinking that she had probably seen him that morning. I was so envious. And sad that she gets to see him, and I don't.

Sigh. It's been a hard day. I hate sitting around and moping, thinking of him when he probably isn't doing the same. He's off living his life, probably dating some beautiful bitch. What did I do wrong? I keep thinking back, wondering what I could have done different. I would have opened up, wouldn't have been so shy, should have just been myself. But I didn't. But I don't know whether that would have changed anything anyway.

Damn. I just need to stop thinking about it. Nothing is going to change. Life is back to normal. I knew it was too good to last. I knew somebody like that wouldn't stay with a girl like me. I thought he was my Edward. Ha.

I was so wrong.