So, yeah....

It's been a while. A LONG while, but I've gotten to this point where I feel like if I don't have someplace to vent, I am going burst into a million little pieces. You know, like those confetti popper things. Yep. Yeah I have friends I can talk to, but I don't feel like burdening them with my crap. They have enough to deal with, ya know? And there is only so much you can say on facebook.

Which leads to one BIG pet peeve of mine. How come people find it easier to comment on my wall on FB, then to pick up the freaking phone and CALL ME? Ok, mini-vent over.

ANYways... here I am again. Posting about crap that no one needs to hear, but I really need to get out of my system. Here is one that has been annoying my system for awhile. I think I am allergic to this topic, either that or it is allergic to me.

So, boys. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, right?

First off, how come they're all overly into you, calling you amazing when they don't even know you fully yet, and just as you start believing that they mean it, just as you think maybe you feel the same, they just stop? I know why. It's always the same reason. They find someone else they're into more. This has happened to me more than once. I'm used to it, so I don't let it get to me that much. He's just a guy, and there are plenty of them around. I don't let myself fall for anyone, because I know what will happen. And then they wonder WHY I am hesitant to hangout with them, to get to know them, so on. I mean damn, come on. YOU are the reason.

I just want to be loved. But I'm not going to just settle. I'm not looking for perfect, I gave up that un-realistic want a long time ago. I just want someone who is upfront, who says:
Here, this is my past. I know I've done stupid stuff, I know I've been an asshole. I know all this. But I want you to know that it's past, so take it, or leave it. I want someone genuine. Someone with a good heart, who at least tries to be a good person. I want someone who wants me, for all that I am and all that I'm not, and in return, I'll do the same. Does someone like that even exist? Am I shooting for the stars here?

I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to. Is it so bad to want to be loved? To want a boyfriend? I can convince myself that I don't need one, that I'm better off, but it only works for so long. I'm only lying to myself. The want is always there, I can't make it go away. I can only hope that someday, I'll meet a guy worth meeting, when the timing is right.

It'll happen...... I hope.