Thankful

I have so much to be thankful for. And it's good to remind myself of all I have to be thankful for. Maybe my life isn't quite how I'd like it right now, but I'm so lucky for what I DO have. Here is what I'm thankful for:

My awesome family:

• Mom. You aren't afraid to laugh and have fun. Thanks for being there for me.

• Dad. Thanks for always supporting my love for horses. You are amazing.

• Joshua. I'm lucky to have a brother like you.

• Bethany. Even though we fight like cats and dogs sometimes, you are my sister and I'll love you no matter what. Thanks for being your crazy, beautiful self!!!

My friends:

• April. I am SO thankful for you. You've made Fallon more livable for me. You are always there me, and I am so glad we are friends. I'm so happy that you are finally happy and with an awesome guy!! I love ya!
• Courtney. Your enthusiasm for life is inspiring. I wish I could be as crazy as you! I'm so happy I know you!!
• Emily. Though I rarely get to see you anymore, you were my first best friend and I'm so thankful for you!
  

Misc.

• My horses. They are what help keep me sane. I love them to death. I wish I had more time to spend with them.
• My pooch. She is hair brained and crazy. I love her so much!
• My job. Even though it can be stressful, it's the best job I've had. I get to make people's day. Just with coffee! How awesome is that?
• Marcos. You gave me my first kiss. And it was the most awesome first kiss. As much as I'm still not over you, and mad at you for what you did, I am glad I met you. You have taught me a lot.
  

Trying to put it in the past

Why can't I get him out of my head? It's been two week since I've heard from him. I don't expect to hear from him. But I can't get him out of my head. I'm always thinking about him. Stuff we did, things he said. He's a part of who I am now. These experiences are a part of me. Changing who I am. But why am I still obsessing over him? I want him out of my head!!! I thought it was because he was the first guy I kissed and I got overly attached, wanting him to be the one, that I blew things out of proportion. But now I'm not sure.

I'm trying to put it in the past, hold on to myself, and don't look back.

But it's not working.

I need some closure.

I need closure. Things haven't been going so well. I don't know why he's stopped talking to me. I haven't heard from him for a week. I just don't understand why he can't at least communicate. If he's not into me, why couldn't he have just said so? I would still be hurt, but at least I would know! But he just stopped talking. I think that's why I'm having so much trouble getting over this guy. I really liked him. I thought he liked me. All those things he said. Lies I guess. The least he could do is just text me. If he's not into me fine. But no. I guess he's not even man enough for that. What a jerk!!! And yet I'm still crying over this guy. I hate him. I drove by his work today to see if I could see him and there he was, standing at the register, ringing up customers. I started to cry. I want to stop obsessing so much. I need some closure. I just don't understand. I'm fed up with guys. They're all bastards. I'm gonna stay by myself. I don't anyone. NO ONE. All they do is tear up your heart. And mine was so fragile..... I was so naive. I'm not going to let anyone in. I let him into my heart and look what happened.

I'm done. So, so done with this.

same old life, same old confusion

Not knowing where we stand. Making latte after latte. Dealing with crabby customer after crappy customer. Dealing with idiotic co-worker after idiotic co-worker. Waking up morning after morning with nothing to look forward to. Going to class after class. Will life always be like this? So mundane? So full of nothingness? I knew this would happen. Something that makes life exciting and worth living can't last forever. It lasts long enough for you to get used to it, then BOOM! It's not the same. And you're stuck with the aftermath of dealing with the life you lived before. Believe me, it totally sucks.