No way to explain......

how I'm feeling right now. I'm ten feet off the ground. No, more like on the MOON. This is crazy. This can't be happening to me. ME of all people. But it is. How far will it go? I have no idea, but at the moment I don't care. Feeling like this, is, amazing!

I'm going to shut up again.

Oh my. Oh my.

I can't believe this has happened. Its to good to be true. This stuff doesn't happen to me. My crushes never like me back. Probably nothing will happen. Will it? I pray it does. I pray we are perfect for each other. So far it seems we are so much alike. I'm like ten feet off the ground right now. But what if it doesn't work out? I don't want to think about it.

I'm so TORN. He hasn't even talked to me yet. I'll wait to hear it from his lips. He's just shy like me. I can totally relate.

I'm going to shut up now.

Just keep smiling

It's been a tough week. Work has been crazy, so when I get home I don't feel like doing homework. So my homework is piling up like crazy.

Yesterday I got called in to work three hours early because the shift/store manager was really sick, but couldn't find anyone to cover for her. So she called in another girl and I early. When I mean early, I mean EARLY. She called me at 5:12 in the morning. Yeah. So I rushed to work, I looked like total crap. No shower, no makeup,(just the remnants from the night before.)Hair back in a messy bun. Yeah, not pretty. So it's a totally freaking crazy day of course. Everybody decides to come at the same time, and all of us working were kind of out of it (with good reason) So the rush finally ends. Earlier in the day I was like "please god don't let Marcos come with me looking like crap." And what happens? He comes in. OH MY GOD NO. He totally avoided me. I could tell. I was on bar, and usually he waits at the hand off bar. But since I was there, he went and sat at a table at the far end of the room until I was done with his drinks. He ordered two. A Tall Mocha and a Grande White Mocha. I was shaking SO bad. I couldn't breath. Why does he make me feel like that? Anyway, I finish making his drinks and call them out. He comes over, grabs them and walks out the door. He didn't even LOOK at me. I called after him "Have a nice day". I don't even think he responded. Damn! Why couldn't I say anything more then that? I always clam up when I talk to guys I like.

We really must have scared him with the whole ten dollar tip and phone number thing. The next time I see him I'm going to take him aside and explain everything. Flat out. I believe in doing stuff like that. I HATE miss communication. Now I just have to be brave enough to do that. Wow. That's gonna be hard. But I've got to do it. I really like this guy for some reason beyond me.

That was a long post. Sorry if I totally bored you.



Listening to: Timeless; and Unlike Me by Kate Havnevik

Friends and things....

Just got back from dinner with friends. I love them to death. They are crazy. I love how they influence me to be just as crazy!(This is a good thing)

I can't believe April and Courtney did what they did! So we went out to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant where my crush just so happens to work. And he just so happens to be our waiter. So order, talk, gab, do what girls do. But it was so funny because every time he would walk behind April towards the kitchen, Courtney and I would get silent. April would look around until she saw, then she would get silent. So we finish eating, he gives us our bills, and we try to decide what kind of tip to give him. Courtney bursts out that I should leave my number with the tip. NO WAY. No freaking way. I told them I was going to the bathroom, so they can do what they like. April gets my cell # from her cell, Courtney writes it down along with "The Blond Curly One" or something like that. I didn't see it, so I can't say for sure. We ended up leaving him like a Ten dollar tip! Wow. I've never gotten a tip like that working at starbucks.

He also rang us up at the register. I pay first and rush out the door. Courtney paid next and told him to be sure to go back to the table, cause the tip we left was for him. Then April comes and tells him to be sure to come to starbucks so I can make his drink or something along those lines.

I never would have been able to do that myself. OH MY GOD. They are crazy. I love them to bits. I wonder if he'll actually call me. Probably not. But I don't care cause that was like the funnest night ever!

Thank you April. Thank you Courtney. You guys rock. Lets to that again soon. For sure.

So yeah, I just had to get all that out. Whew.


Listening to: Bliss by Muse.

I don't feel like writing anything, so I'm not going to. Except this:

I hate guys.
I hate the over analyzing that comes with guys.
I hate homework.
I hate math.
I hate feeling like I have no time for myself anymore.

Black holes and Revelations

Not much is new.
Still dealing with drama between people at work, dealing with family, dealing with school. It goes on and on.

Thank god for April. She is a breath of fresh air. Seeing her makes everything bright!! I know she is dealing with all that crap at work as well. I hope you don't let it get you down. You rock.

I've been planning on going to London next year, but was never sure who I was going to go with. So now I'm going with April. I seriously CAN'T wait. I want to get away SO bad. You have no idea.




Listening to: Starlight by Muse

Drama. Oh god.

I hate drama. I avoid drama and confrontation as much as possible. I try to stay distant, but It's so easy to get pulled in. It's sad because I see both sides of the situation, and I can see how the people could fix it with just a little understanding. But it's not like I'm going to go up to the person and tell them how to fix their attitude. I don't want to get in the middle of it. If they can't see how to fix it themselves, too bad.

No crushes came in today at work. Too bad. Oh well. I shall persevere! Lol. Anyway, I'm off to read the last of Breaking Dawn, then I have crap loads of homework to do. It's my own fault for putting it off though.




Listening to: The Shock of the Lightning by Oasis.

La la la....

I'm so tired of people! Why can't they be nice? What is so great about being so freaking rude? Can they think of anything but themselves? Seriously. People in this town piss me off. Gah. I just needed to get that off my chest. People at work were seriously rude today. Customers AND co-workers. Well, just one co-worker in particular. I don't know what to do with her.

At least I'm feeling emotion though. My heart did a get that fluttery feeling I haven't had in a while, so that was good. It wasn't at my crush though. He didn't come it. No, it was at this guy who came in yesterday to work and ordered like 8 drinks. He didn't order quite so many this time. I wasn't expecting to see him, so I saw him and my heart got all fluttery. Nice. I saw another co-working talking to him kind of like they knew each other, so after he left I asked my co-worker if he knew the guy. You want to know what my co-worker said? He said they spent time together in jail. Yeah, JAIL. That squashed the fluttering feeling quick.

Don't know how I feel...

I've been feeling weird lately. Not depressed because I'm actually pretty happy right now, but more like I'm never really excited about anything. Like if I think about my crush, I used to get really fluttery feeling. Now, I don't really feel anything. I don't feel sad, mad, upset or anything. I'm just kind of confused. Music usually gets me feeling better, but even that isn't working.

Maybe it's the benadryl and steroids I've been taking for a allergic reaction I had. I don't know. I just hope I start feeling again soon. Usually my emotions get out of control. So having none kind of feels weird. Hopefully my crush will come into work tomorrow, maybe that will jump start my heart. I haven't seen him in a while. If that doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do.

Sigh. Why do I feel so weird?



Listening to: Starlight by Muse.

Moving on up?

I work at Starbucks. In case you haven't heard of it, (yeah right) it's a coffee shop. A big coffee shop. :) Anyway, I'm a barista there. I make drinks, ring up customers etc. It's a great job. I love it. I enjoy going to work. Well, I don't always like to go to work. But most of the time it's great.

I found out today that I might be promoted to Shift Supervisor. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. It's a lot more responsibility. I'd be in charge of all the cash handling. That part scares me. But it's a good pay raise. I think I'm ready, and I told the store manager so. She agreed with me!

I've never been really GOOD at something, but when I started working at S'bucks I picked it up really fast. It was so easy! I know I don't want to make coffee the rest of my life, but this is a good opportunity for me. I hope it all works out!

I'm really excited about this, but I didn't want to tell anybody incase it doesn't work out. So keep it a secret! SHHHH!

Starting fresh.

Summer is over. Fall is near. A time for new beginnings, fresh starts. I did have an old blog, but it reflected the old me. The me that has changed. I'm not who I was last winter. So much has happened that it would be impossible not to change. Things have changed for the better.

I've been thinking about change recently, I used to be afraid of it. It was changing too fast for me to handle. Something changes every moment of the day, even if it doesn't affect us personally. Who am I to stop it? I've started to go along with the flow. Sure, my life isn't exactly how I'd like it to be, but it's better then what it was last winter. I'm happy. It's so weird to say that. I'm HAPPY. For once in my life I'm happy to be ME. I don't want to be anybody else.