I'm done with this. I try. I try too hard. I care too much. I tell myself that it doesn't matter. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. But once again I find myself upset. Why do you ask? He says we should think longer about this. Why do I find myself sad? After all, I would probably push him away later if we did decide to take that leap.
Like I said when it gets to certain point I just turn off. But I want to fall for someone who doesn't allow me to do that. Who forces me to take a good look at myself. Who doesn't allow me to push him away. Someone who will help make me a better person. But all they do is mess me up farther. To the point where I don't know who or what I am.
And as usual I feel alone.
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