I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And I feel like If I don't decide soon, I'll just waste my life away.
And I'm so scared of relationships. I guess what brought most of this on was seeing a guy I went on a couple of dates while I was at wal-mart. He looked lonely and sad. And it made me wonder if I should have given him a second chance. Here I am sometimes really depressed that I don't have a boyfriend, and here was this guy that totally ready to love me. Yeah he moved too fast, but if I had given him a second chance would it have worked? Or was it all me? My deep fear of relationships and letting a guy see the real me. I don't even know why I have this fear. I'm so scared of their past. Of finding out stuff I don't want to know.... I guess most of it is I'm afraid of not living up to their expectations. Of my being so inexperienced and all. I'm scared of how they'll deal with that.
Writing all of this has made me realise what I'm really scared of. I'm scared of being taken advantage of. That's the root of all these fears. I know you have to take a risk to find happiness, but I'm so scared of being taken advantage of that I don't seem to be able to take that risk. I guess I'd rather be unhappy.
I have no idea what to do. I just feel so lost and alone.
1 comment:
{hugs}
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